Hesitate
by Hollie Katrina
Summary: First time for everything.


Reposting this with the understanding that people who think I'm a 'hater' or 'moron' simply because I don't encourage others to break the rules will at least be mature enough to not take their anger out on reviews. I promise you I'm seriously not nice, and I don't care if I hurt your feelings. You are a nameless, faceless person on the internet and your opinion of me is really not all that important to me.

Anyway, I wrote this a while ago, posted it, took it down because I don't need drama from random people on the internet who hate me for whatever reason (right, because I'm mean. How dare I nearly forget) and now I'm reposting it. I ship Seddie, but I wanted to give this a shot so I did. Probably the first and last time I will ever do anything like this.

Enjoy. Or not. Your choice.

X

This was wrong. So wrong. A man his age should not be doing this with a girl so young, but she hadn't stopped him and he didn't have the willpower to stop himself. Her blue eyes shined bright in the moonlight as she stared into his concerned face. What was right clashed with what they wanted and as he slowly brought his lips to hers she realized that the want had won and tonight would mark the night she changed from a girl to a woman.

"I love you," he whispered. Her heart was beating so loud she almost didn't hear it. Nerves mixed with excitement made her stomach do flip-flops.

"I love you, too." She was just as quiet. She was conflicted. This is what she had wanted for so long, but the realization that this was her first time but it wasn't his made her self-conscious.

"You're going to have to talk me through this." Spencer stared down at her. Her chest was rising and falling in a short, quick pattern with the breaths she took.

"We don't have to do this, Sam." He started to back away from her. She grabbed his arm and panic flashed in her eyes.

"No, I want to. I just…" he kissed her again more slowly, allowing his tongue to slide past her teeth. He could feel her heart racing through her shirt and stopped himself once more.

"Sam—"

"Please…" her eyes were pleading as was her tone. It was so hard to say no to her, even when saying no was the right thing to do. She brought her face to his and their lips made contact again. It was so right, so perfect. The way their mouths moved in sync and their bodies formed together. Spencer could feel the different emotions from Sam, but Sam followed the irrational side of her that told her to just do it. Spencer slowly began to raise her shirt then hesitated. Sirens were going off in his head telling him to stop, telling him not to take advantage of her, but she was Sam Puckett and she had pressured him into this instead of the other way around. Make love, she called it. Hearing the words coming out of Sam's mouth had made him sweat and he had spent three weeks trying to avoid it, but Freddie was at camp and Carly had gone to stay with their grandfather for the summer so there was nothing stopping Sam from pursuing what she wanted. She wanted Spencer and she always got what she wanted. She nervously removed her own shirt, throwing it to the floor before pulling Spencer back to her. She wasn't going to chicken out and she wasn't going to give him enough thinking time to realize this was illegal. He ran his fingers down Sam's arm, loving the feel of her skin. Everything about her seemed flawless and perfect and innocent. She was too young for this, too young to be subjected to this, but she was calling the shots now. She had decided this was what she wanted and Spencer had no argument besides 'it's wrong' to keep her away. Sam never seemed to care about right and wrong, all she was concerned with was what she wanted and how she felt at the time. She pulled Spencer's shirt off and the skin on skin contact made her heart race faster. At any point it could run right off and she wouldn't even know it. Her mind was going a million miles a minute but focused solely on Spencer. She gauged his reactions to everything she did; waiting for him to shake his head and tell her it was just too wrong. She expected it, but didn't want it. She wanted him, all of him, no matter what the consequences were. Spencer's mouth trailed from her mouth to her jawline just in front of her ear. She could feel his breath in her ear for a second before he moved his mouth down to her neck and even further to her collarbone. He wanted to stop, but it was like the devil was controlling him. He no longer was in his own body, but on the outside just watching the scene unfold. 'No, Spencer,' He wanted to scream, 'don't do this. She's only 16." But it was like he was a ghost in the room. A ghost nobody would hear. He started to mess with the hooks on her bra, but he was shaking and his fingers were sweaty. Sam, just as nervous, reached behind herself to help him. He couldn't continue this, but he had to. What was she doing to him?

"Don't be so nervous. It's just me." She whispered into his ear. He chuckled a bit.

"Says the girl who's heart is beating so fast you would think she just finished a marathon." He kissed her again as she moved her bra out of the way. He wanted to look at her, but fear hit his mind. If he did everything would change. She would no longer be innocent or pure. She would no longer be the girl he had watched grow up and had fallen in love with. No. She would be Samantha Puckett, almost adult, half exposed to the eyes of Spencer and the walls of his room. She smiled into his mouth and started playing with the button on his jeans. He grabbed her hand to stop her.

"Sam, we shouldn't do this." His logical side was coming out. Sam sighed.

"Spence, it's just me and you. Nobody else is ever going to find out. Besides, what does it matter? I love you and you say you love me so nobody else's opinion matters." The words were true in their minds. The opinions of others didn't matter. In due time she would be 18 and the age difference wouldn't be relevant anymore. Nonetheless, he moved her hand away for the time being and kissed her again. If he stopped thinking of Sam as Sam and started thinking of her as the person he wanted to be with the rest of his life he wouldn't be so flustered. She started playing with the button his pants again and this time he didn't stop her. He didn't want to stop her and he didn't want to stop himself. Since the moment Sam had confessed how she felt to him he had wanted this. He had wanted her long before, but the night she came to him and threw the words in his face he had wanted to just swoop her up and take her right there. He had been rational then, thinking of the consequences of one night with a sweet, teenage girl. Sam no longer was that same girl, she was growing up. Spencer sat up, bringing Sam up with him. He broke the kissing long enough to remove his pants and throw them across the room. Sam layed back again and with one hand on either side of her body his face hovered inches above hers. She licked her lips and the nerves inside her body started to show in her face. Either way, she wasn't going to stop. She wanted this. She had wanted this far longer than she should have. Spencer had been the subject of every dream she had had since she was 14 years old. She had fantasized about him being her first and her only. He slid her pants off and Sam realized that there was very little fabric between the two of them and the thought made her mind race all over again. She was so close to what she wanted but it seemed almost out of reach. Spencer could jump up at any point in time and tell her enough was enough. He realized he was dangerously close to having sex with her. The responsibility of being her first sexual partner was almost overbearing. She could never get it back. She only had one chance at this. Was this really what she wanted? To be 16 and give up something she should dedicate to marriage? He backed away from her a little bit.

"Sam, are you sure you want to do this?" his breath was shaky and she could tell he has second-guessing.

"Yes." Although the thought of the unknown still scared her, not knowing what to expect and not being in control of every little thing that would happen. She wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled his lips back to hers. His hand trailed up her stomach and to her breast. All control was gone, he moved on instinct. He could hear her heavy breathing and it made him smile. This was much more than just a fling for her, she wanted him forever, and he wanted her forever. Tonight was just a step in that direction. He moved his hands down to her waist and started pulling off the red undergarment she had chosen for tonight. A lot of thought had gone into what she was going to wear when she trapped him and accused him of avoiding her. Sam's stomach twisted when she realized she was finally going to lose her virginity. After 16 years of life and 2 years of dreams and fantasies reality was finally giving her what she had been waiting for. Spencer pulled off his own boxers and threw both to the side. He hesitated. She looked scared out of her mind.

"You can always back out, Sam." He desperately hoped she would. He wanted to hear her say stop. He wanted to move out of the way and watch her gather her clothes and put them back on. He also wanted to hear her say no, to have her pull him back to her and be confident in her decision. He was so torn, and it was making for a very awkward time. Sam shook her head.

"I don't want to back out. I want this." She changed from shaking her head to nodding it and Spencer crushed his lips to hers. He wanted it just as much as she did, but he would never deny her the right to say stop whenever she wanted. He gave her what she wanted and he heard her suck in her breath. He panicked.

"Sam—"

"Don't say anything." She kissed him again, trying to ignore the pain. This was not how she imagined her first time. Nobody had warned her it would hurt. She could tell Spencer was on edge, but she had no reason to make him more nervous than he already was. He had to know about this. She was sure he had been with many other virgins before. Spencer had never been with a girl who had never been with another man, and he had never been with a girl who had meant as much to him as Sam did. The shock and the pain began to wear off and Sam started to enjoy just being with Spencer. She had something with him that nobody else had. A special connection to him. The nerves were gone and all that was left was him and her together. She kissed him more deeply than before and he responded to her just as enthusiastically. Her dreams had come true, everything she had hoped for. He kissed her once more.

"I love you," he whispered as he placed his forehead on hers. She smiled.

"I love you, too." She closed her eyes and they stayed like that for a minute before he stood up and started grabbing his clothes. He walked back to her.

"Are you okay?"

"Very."

"Good." He leaned closer to her and kissed her again. He threw his clothes into the corner of his room, opting for a pair of boxers and a t-shirt for the night. Sam also stole one of his t-shirts. He layed in bed next to her in bed and kissed her cheek.

"Everything you hoped for?" he whispered the question.

"And then some." She responded. They fell asleep shortly after.

X

Seriously, this was difficult to write. I've never done anything like this. Be kind.

I ship Seddie, not Spam, but they were the perfect couple to do this with. Please review.


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